top of page

I missed me when I was with you

So...I was scrolling through some social media site and came across a statement that stopped me in my tracks. The statement went something like.... "I missed me when I was with you...". Whoever wrote that said a mouth full. It made me think more about how often we find ourselves in the company of others, and for one reason or many others, we feel the need to tuck our true selves away for safe keeping relying on one of our many managers to step forward and represent for us. Well, the thing is if we keep visiting places with people that don't feel safe for our true selves to emerge, our representatives wind up spending more time out in the real world than our selves do. After days, weeks, months, and sometimes years of hiding behind our managers we can have a moment of realization that it's been quite some time since we can recall last being ourselves.

Sometimes this happens because of a relationship; romantic or otherwise. We feel the pressure to live up to an expectation or a standard with which we don't believe Self to be aligned. There's an underlying negative core belief that "I'm not enough" (or some variation). So.... the director yells "Action!" and we begin to perform. Only, that director never yells "Cut!", so we remain stuck in the role indefinitely. Perhaps it's a new role transition at work or at home. We have a new position with the company and find ourselves feeling intimidated in the new rooms and with the new people with which we interact. We may feel worried that everyone's gonna figure out that we are just like Jon Snow and we know NOTHING! Maybe it's a new role such as wife, husband, mom, dad, caregiver to parents, adult sibling guardian, or any of the many family roles that present themselves throughout the lifetime. So we ignore our feelings and abandon places, things, and activities that are important to us in favor of those that we perceive to fit the roles we now occupy. And self.... slowly..... withers away.

The further away from ourselves that we drift, the closer to depression we get. Think of it this way; If we aren't being ourselves, we aren't BEING ourselves (living). If ourselves aren't being (living), they're dying and that is the way that many people describe the state of being depressed. The answer to this dilemma is to learn to allow the self to be present and to thrive as much as possible. The more often we are able to be our true selves, the more alive we become.

In summation, any situation that encourages us to suppress our true selves, is one that slowly suffocates us and limits our true existence until not much is left. We become a "side character" in our own show. This is the path that leads to the opening statement. As we realize that the person we've come to perform as, is so far away from who we truly are, that we miss ourselves. Return back to yourself. Choose "me".

Check out the song Me by Tamia from her 2006 album Between Friends

33 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All


Notes from the Therapist's Couch

bottom of page